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23 October 2009 @ 12:39 am
I am an addict.

..makeup, clothes, whatever material crap addict. Basically anything that I believed to have been a waste of time.

Its a shame how values change *sigh*

HEHEHEEHE I wish I was rich so i can buy all the clothes and the makeup I want WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

....I really don't...I need to be more productive *grumbles*  There is enough wastepeople in the world.
Current Mood: giddygiddy
11 October 2009 @ 04:06 pm
 So totally off balance today, I have just been thinking how close I was to getting what I have dreamed of for 7 years. It sucks that something that you have loved and wanted for so long and then it gets taken away so suddenly. Damn I took advantage badly, maybe if I paid more attention and had much more hope in my heart I might have gotten it, and got the life I wanted? I guess in a sense...its fate? Damn fate? Bloody bloody fate? It just sucks, I hate being told that I shouldn't question God's will, sometime things suck so bad you just wonder, wtf?! Why me? Why them? Why anyone in fact? I mean there are some people that deserve crap, then when I think about people do crap to themselves, or sometimes crap happens as a result of another person. DAMMIT

Hmm I guess no one should dwell on what they have lost because its basically wasting their life away, but you have to admit...it can really suck ass!
Current Mood: exanimateexanimate
10 October 2009 @ 12:51 pm
 I have so much time on my hands it is unbelievable, I am sitting around doing nothing. I could be revising but my brain just refuses to budge. I am soo F**KING FED UPPPPPPPP GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I can't go out because I am broke and when i say broke I mean BROKE. I hate this, the world (well my world) does not work without money. I swear money is my life. I think I love money more than my own life.
Current Mood: stressedstressed
03 October 2009 @ 09:24 pm
 Gosh being a girl can be a bloody bitch I am telling you! I have been having friggin "lady pains" all day and now I am turning into a right drug addict. BLAST!

On a sad note, I am uber lonely, I do have friends but not the ones that I care about the most, most of them have f**ked off to uni or working disgustingly weird hours and tbh I am quite pissed off about it. I am starting to regret being at my crappy ol' school. I mean the atmosphere of that place is disastrous! I should have buggered off to uni like the others even it if has to be a sh*tty met or poly, as long as I am out of that hell hole of a school any university is fine!!!

I guess all of my greatest friends being gone (well...busy) is a good thing. This means I shall HAVE to concentrate on studying and getting myself into the greatest university possible. Even that is a complication within itself I mean I know the UK has a great reputation when it comes to education but tbh its a whole load bulldog. I can't apply to 5 different courses because I have to write ONE cruddy personal statement that has to cover the 5 diff subjects which would just make my life hell (and is not advised) either I do that and risk being rejected by ALL five choices OR I choose one course and risk realising in the middle of the year that I hate it therefore I waste £3000 and another year of my life GRRRRRRRRR. LIFE IS SUCH A COMPLICATION!!!!!

To end on a happy or a more content note, I am feeling very confident within myself and hope this feeling will NEVER go away. Sometimes I just want to be a very arrogant bitch and do very well. The only thing stopping me in my life is my (lack of) confidence. I have a brain I know how to use it I just need to let my soul know that I am very intelligent person and I can do anything I want in life!!! DAMMIT

Current Location: United Kingdom, London
Current Mood: determined
29 September 2009 @ 08:45 pm
 My friend talkingmonkee has forced me *grin* to update my blog! The fact is I do not know what to say, I mean I do not want a super emo blog. I know that is what people do but dammit I want to have a happy blog!...and well atm my life is not in the most happiest of states. So I have decided to just post personal goals.

So first of all, I need to boost my confidence, it sucks cos I can make other people feel good (well at least I like to think so) but at the same time I am neglecting myself, and I should practice what I preach. I need to do something and not question myself and think that it is not good enough, I mean yeah it is good at times to think "is there any way that i can improve this?" but thinking that my life is totally and utterly hopeless is a big NO NO!

This will be really hard to implement, i mean some of you will be reading this and thinking "what the hell man, that is not hard to do? get a grip!" if you are thinking that SHUT UP cos I actually do wish I was this arrogant, high flying S.O.B. 

I guess my wish will come true some day, but I will have to be the one that makes it magically come true.

Current Mood: amusedamused
09 August 2009 @ 01:49 pm
 O my goodness I am actually quite angry right now!
I mean I am looking at numerous amount of forums and people are just so mean to girls that are size 14! There are people that are saying that fat girls are misusing the word curvy!! 
ARGH i am so angry you wouldn't believe it!! OMG i feel like going up to a size 16 and becoming a model to show every "YEA YOU CAN FAT AND BEAUTIFUL!!!! 

ARGGHHH people annoy meeeeeeeee

On a funny note...I am down to a size 12 lol *blushes* the irony!
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
07 August 2009 @ 02:50 pm
 I haven't posted in like 3/4 months there is really nothing to blog about, seriously I am not a person that anyone would really want to read about. I am just  a typical teenage girl (although I do not feel so typical) London kinda sucks during the summer. There is nothing to do.
So Since the last time I posted Exams finished, I had my prom (which I helped organize) and various birthdays, parties and arguments have happened. See - not exciting at all.
Although a part of me really does feel empty even though I have everything I need (well almost)

I have come to this weird realization that I need to have a spiritual side and follow what I want to do. I am becoming a sheep. I hate Sheep (not the animal I mean a person that just follows, before you get funny)
I know a lot of people that believe that we have one life and nothing happens after wards, our flesh just rots in the ground (such a depressing thought) and there is no divine being in the universe and these people I know think that they are more intelligent then believers or what ever they call them. I kinda find them weird because next thing you know something bad happens to them and the next thing they shout is OMG or they start praying its like WTF man?!
So I am going to stop following these people and make my own path, even if I become a social outcast.

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
25 April 2009 @ 01:27 pm

Sorry i haven't posted in so long, i had half term life became more hectic then it needed to be, and well my internet was slow and i had to stop myself from smashing my comp!!!

Let me start with good news i had a toothache for 2 weeks so i didnt eat for a long time which meant that i lost 4 pounds..WOO

i had a root canal a couple of days ago which meant the anaesthetic knocked me out. BUT all these rumors about root canels being painful is a myth i was just sitting them letting take out the crap well pulp it looks nasty though. Enough of that anyway.

The title of this entry is my textiles exam that i wil be having in 3 weeks

i am surprised that i havn't had a nervous breakdown.
I mean exams start in 2 weeks!!! and no 1 especially moi has started screaming or raged on yet.

Which is kinda scary.

I still haven't even finished my textiles coursework.
English is also another frustrating thing. I am apparently smart but my grades are NOT showing
Omg i am having a breakdown right now.

Hmm i think i shall use my LJ to stop me from killing anyone!




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Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
18 March 2009 @ 10:54 pm

Ok i am not bored.

But i am slightly fed up.
My exams i think start in two months, and i should be panicking...i do not know...w8 yea..i should...o maybe i shouldn't...?
My mind is in a muddle!
It sucks i want to do fashion and Business...and grrr....What do i have to do dammit to get it!!
I think i have been watching too much gossip girl. I love the world they are in...full of money clothes and bitches...i want it!!!
I think i hate jenny humphrey...she is stupid, stick thin..did i mention stupid.

I cannot do this!!!
I know what i am writing is not making much sense...but arrrgggh!

I am procrastinating too much.
So i am going to announce that due to the procrastination and upcoming exams, i shall stay away from my livejournal.
Plus i still need to get a life, and going on a computer does not help.
So i will go and do some economics to make myself feel better.

Dammit i love that subject im freaking obsessed.

I hate bloody england and its UMS points!!!!
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: None-need a song atm
16 March 2009 @ 07:09 pm

I never realised how much i loved economics until like last thursday...I really do take advantage of that subject

Urgh i feel like a big fat failure.

I need to work megahard to get my damn A.

Even if it kills me!

Current Mood: distresseddistressed